There is absolutely no doubt that becoming a mother changed me in more ways than I was prepared for. It expanded my heart, rearranged my priorities, caused me to self reflect and try to be better.

This all happened with my first born Jameson. I did all the self reflecting…How will I be better? How will I love him enough? How will we raise him to be a man of integrity? How will we rear him to become a genuinely good person?…But when I looked into Aila’s eyes, the self reflecting happened at a different level – my responsibility of being an example of a WOMAN weighed heavily. All my insecurities I had felt as a middle school girl, a high school teen, then a woman came flooding in. The ones of comparison, about not being thin enough, having acne, doing too much, not doing enough, not dressing stylish enough, not having hair like her, not being smart enough, not being pretty enough, and I can go on and on…….

I wanted to squish them ALL, annihilate every last insecurity. Because I never want my baby girl to feel them, to see herself in all the ugly ways I have seen myself or believed other’s saw me. I didn’t want her to measure her worth by how she compares to those around her.

Holding her in my arms and speaking gently to her was enlightening. This is the way I should talk to myself, I thought, the way I should love myself. You’re strong, beautiful for more than the outer appearance but for just being, and you can do absolutely anything. I realized I needed to live out these truths because in my lifetime, as my daughter watched me, my actions would drown out my words.

So now anytime I see pictures of me and the first thing I want to think is how fat I am …and I can’t believe I haven’t lost these pounds weeks after baby like EVERYONE else …and It’s a year later I can’t believe you still look like this!...I quiet my brain look at Aila and think, what would I tell her if she has a baby one day, and she is struggling to loose the extra weight?…I would hug her and tell her, you’re beautiful life is a process. You have a beautiful life filled with so many blessings. Love your baby, nourish her and nourish yourself. The rest will follow.

The next time you feel like you don’t measure up in any area talk to yourself the way you would talk to your child, with all the love and nurture you have within you.