For Her

There is absolutely no doubt that becoming a mother changed me in more ways than I was prepared for. It expanded my heart, rearranged my priorities, caused me to self reflect and try to be better.

This all happened with my first born Jameson. I did all the self reflecting…How will I be better? How will I love him enough? How will we raise him to be a man of integrity? How will we rear him to become a genuinely good person?…But when I looked into Aila’s eyes, the self reflecting happened at a different level – my responsibility of being an example of a WOMAN weighed heavily. All my insecurities I had felt as a middle school girl, a high school teen, then a woman came flooding in. The ones of comparison, about not being thin enough, having acne, doing too much, not doing enough, not dressing stylish enough, not having hair like her, not being smart enough, not being pretty enough, and I can go on and on…….

I wanted to squish them ALL, annihilate every last insecurity. Because I never want my baby girl to feel them, to see herself in all the ugly ways I have seen myself or believed other’s saw me. I didn’t want her to measure her worth by how she compares to those around her.

Holding her in my arms and speaking gently to her was enlightening. This is the way I should talk to myself, I thought, the way I should love myself. You’re strong, beautiful for more than the outer appearance but for just being, and you can do absolutely anything. I realized I needed to live out these truths because in my lifetime, as my daughter watched me, my actions would drown out my words.

So now anytime I see pictures of me and the first thing I want to think is how fat I am …and I can’t believe I haven’t lost these pounds weeks after baby like EVERYONE else …and It’s a year later I can’t believe you still look like this!...I quiet my brain look at Aila and think, what would I tell her if she has a baby one day, and she is struggling to loose the extra weight?…I would hug her and tell her, you’re beautiful life is a process. You have a beautiful life filled with so many blessings. Love your baby, nourish her and nourish yourself. The rest will follow.

The next time you feel like you don’t measure up in any area talk to yourself the way you would talk to your child, with all the love and nurture you have within you.

Road Trip on a Whim

Last week started off a little rough very early on. Monday at 7:00am I was at the dentist having three wisdom teeth extracted. I didn’t want to be under, so instead I sat there as the dentist injected needle after needle to the roof of my mouth and a million other different places. As you innately know, having wisdom teeth forcefully removed is not at all an enjoyable experience. The week dragged slowly as the chipmunk version of myself recovered from a throbbing jaw.

I was very pleased to welcome the weekend. My hubby suggested we take a little road trip and have a picnic somewhere cooler. After that week we had, I was stir crazy and so were my littles. The picnic/road trip was on a whim. Nothing was planned -no cute outfits or fancy blog worthy picnic healthy recipes for wellness for the ideal life I so badly want to live. Instead I put on one of my hubbies white v-necks, threw on some shorts, sneakers and a baseball cap to hide my bare face and un-styled hair. We stopped at the grocery store on the way and bought the soft picnic foods that someone could most likely gum instead of chew…bread rolls (I know gluten :/), cheese slices and turkey (the only healthy part of our meal organic preservative and nitrate free ), and macaroni salad.

We drove 1 hour and 45 min. As we left the city behind we were surrounded by beautiful scenic landscapes- the kind that calm the insides, remind you of the breathtaking beauty, and make you meditate on the hands that put it all together. We got to the little calm lake and laid out our blanket. As we took in the sights of the fresh water and pine trees, we refreshed our souls and recharged. The no signal area forced Jimmy to shut off from the stressors at work and me to forget about all the things I didn’t accomplish because I was recovering from these darn wisdom teeth. Aila wanted to jump in the lake, and Jameson didn’t want to leave -he wanted to just sit and take it all in.

I encourage you get your family in the car and drive even if it’s to the nearest park. Spend time together off the grid in the moment for the moment’s sake.

Recovering Perfectionist

Inconsistency and fear. Those two words alone have cost me so much in my life. They have followed me into every stage of life and like a storm cloud have loomed over me.

Fear first…what will they think? What will she say about me? How will It look? What if I don’t do it right? What if I mess up? What if it isn’t the best? What if it’s not perfect? What if they see my flaws? What if I can’t do it? No matter what I am doing these words loom over me. I stop to listen and inconsistency sets in.

You see being a perfectionist, in my case, isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be. Quite the contrary- it has caused fear of failure, and thus fear of trying… and if I’ve tried, inconsistency, because then I fear what if it doesn’t work.

This doesn’t go away in my role as a mom or in all those goals I’ve set that I’ve walked away from. Many a times I have felt inept and inadequate. I think I am like Peter from the Bible.

Remember the Bible story where Jesus tells him to walk out onto the water? Peter is so zealous -“yes I’ll do it!” He exclaims. Goes in, all in, but then the inconsistency settles in. He stops looking at Christ for his all. The waves sure start to look big! ‘Wait walk on water that’s not possible, so I can’t possibly really be doing this!’…sinking…sinking…he begins to sink! Next he cries out for help …save me! Jesus sure does save him…

But have you felt like that in life. Held back by fear and inconsistency in a viscous cycle. You might be sinking, but rest assured He will save you. I have heard him whisper “focus on me.” So today I remind myself, and I remind you…focus on Him…when the waves rise, when the doubt comes gushing in with the fear, FOCUS! You can do it! You can accomplish those goals no matter how many times you haven’t been able to. Whatever it may be Focus on Him!

BBQ Meatball Sliders

So this weekend was our daughters first birthday. See here. Since then, we’ve had several requests for the BBQ meatball recipe. Not even my mom knew how we had made these. It’s so funny how simple they are and slightly embarrassing to give out our so called “secret” recipe, but I am never one to hold out on recipes. It’s so fun to share and learn from each other. I always love learning easy tips especially for gatherings and parties. Let’s be honest, it’s not always we have hours on end to slave over the food to feed over 70 people – the easier the better!

That’s exactly what we needed for this party… simple hearty food to feed a big crowd. Instead of making the more predictable marinera meatball sliders, I wanted to make something different, so I wanted to make BBQ meatball sliders. I chose Hawaiian bread rolls because I knew the sweetness of the rolls would compliment the smokiness and sweetness of the BBQ.

So here it goes!… To make these meatballs you need to buy the Costco beef meatballs and the KC masterpiece original private stock BBQ sauce. It has to be this sauce! We bought it at Costco too. I included a picture.

You put one bag of frozen meatballs and one bottle of sauce in a large crockpot. You then remove the crockpot container from inside the crockpot and refrigerate the meatballs in the sauce all night. I think this helped the flavors marry even more. The next day you take the container out, put it back in the crock pot and cook on high for 2-2.5 hours. During your party or gathering keep them on low/warm to stay warm. They are amazing!!

There you have it the simplest recipe ever! Hahaha not homemade, but so good and easy for a party.

First Birthday Shenanigans

Our little curious girl turned one! We wanted to celebrate her life with a birthday bash that would reflect all that we love about her. She is incredibly curious, active and determined. Her personality is bright, joyous, loving and loud. Really all of that is crammed into our petite little one year old!

The theme I chose was ice cream and popsicles. I did it all in a labor of love and to be honest to nurture my love of design and party planning…I hand made fans, popsicles, ice cream cones, tulle table skirts, circle garlands, flower centerpieces and also created chandelier type hanging decor. My hubby made cake pops in the shape of popsicles and an adorable “melted ice cream cone” smash cake.

Her birthday was a shower of love over her…as those nearest and dearest to us contributed by helping my hubby and I put up the last little details, or by preparing a dish or by bringing the most beautifully decorated sugar cookies, by trying their best to corral and lead wild kids to play games, by setting up music, or by being in the kitchen cleaning and replenishing the food table. We are blessed to have a village.

I hope you enjoy the party details.












Invites and decor: Made and coordinated by me. I found blank cards at Michaels and turned them into invites.
Centerpieces were flowers in ice cream
paper cups with pictures of Aila and a little popsicle or ice cream cone and also an ice cream cone base with a ballon, set on a paper runner.

Menu: BBQ meatball sliders, mini BLT’s, Croissant chicken salad sandwiches, potato salad, pasta salad, chips, spinach dip, onion dip and salsa. The drinks were tea and different flavored punch in drink dispensers.

Desserts: popsicle cake pops funfetti flavored, ice cream sundaes with chocolate syrup, whipped cream and sprinkles, and frosted sugar cookies in the shape of cones and popsicles.

Entertainment: games and a piñata

Favors: the sugar cookies and bubbles in the shape of a popsicle.